I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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