You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
