someone get that fucking seahorse.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
