Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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