Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
