One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
