All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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