No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
