you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
