Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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