Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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