I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
