I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
