first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
