The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
