I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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