Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
