he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Operation Purity has been aborted
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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