either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I believe in your delicious
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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