we have pet lesbian snakes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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