Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
