; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
