and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
