you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
