bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
