By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
