Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
