and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
