WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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