Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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