6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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