So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
