First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
