I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
third nipple confirmed
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
