She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
