Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
