Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
