Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
