why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
