I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
