why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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