She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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