Christians are straight up FREAKS
My cat gives me a boner
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
