this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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