My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
