I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
