my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I pour the whiskey from now on
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
