i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
