but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
