i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
