Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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