I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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