I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
